Summer in the City

Well, its damn hot. Real damn hot. They've had a water main problem in my county and they are threatening to shut off water for 150,000 residents for a "few" days. Although it won't affect my neighborhood, I feel for the disabled and impaired, or just car-less, residents that will be affected. Its not easy to cart several gallons of water home from the store on your scooter in the blazing heat.

At any rate, I'm still dragging around a wool blanket-like pile of hair that I'm growing and harvesting to donate in honor of my mother that just clawed her way through breast cancer treatment successfully. I've had to talk myself down from sawing the whole lot off with a box cutter when its getting in my way at work. Now I guess I have to think of what hair I want to be left with so I can get it gone.

My liver enzymes have been ever so slightly elevated recently, and recent discussions with the Neurologist yield the waiting game, and more blood tests, in order to determine if I will have to switch off my injections onto something else. So far, no emergency issues, just waiting.

The Hubby and I went to Montreal on vacation and jaunted around the city, eating lovely crepes, butchering the French language, and taking in the sights and smells of pseudo-Europe. It was great. Montrealians (?) are quite polite and kind. Not at all what I'm used to in any of the metro cities around here. I only garnered the evil eye when I tried to order an iced coffee in the midst of their heat wave. Apparently they don't do iced coffee.

I learned of recent research on anti-MS activity extracted from the mushroom Cordyceps, which is a well-known mushroom that's often taken for stamina and post-exercise tissue repair. I've considered taking the mushroom itself in pill form; will do more research to try to determine any risks regarding white blood cell counts or liver enzymes. We'll see.

Preparing for my grandpa's 90th birthday party later this summer. Should be a hoot, as long as we can keep from creating a Jerry Springer-style family feud over where the punch station should be set. Getting this family on the same page is like herding cats.

Speaking of the liver enzymes, while the possibility of going off injections looms, I've started to revisit the last-ditch idea of getting pregnant. I'm like 36 or 37 or something like that, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to keep track from here on out, and it is really the last realistic time I'll put myself through the insane brain game of considering birthing anyone.

The plan for getting pregnant is about as complicated as doing federal taxes at this point, if you own 7 depressed properties and itemize about a hundred parking tickets, and if you prepare them in another language, like Japanese or something.. By the time I sit down to think of all the factors I'm tired and need a nap, or just want my blanky and a bottle. I feel both relieved not to have kids already, and desperate that I'm running out of time and don't have the money, health or resources to acquire children by any means. Not to mention the torture I get to inflict on my family each year by not providing grandchildren to carry on the family.

Not sure how this will pan out but if you've dealt with similar issues, give me a shout.

Must mention my old friend Emily, whose birthday just passed. She would have been 33 this year but passed away last summer. She would have been my peripheral support if I'd acquired children, and with her gone, the whole possibility seems, well, impossible. Besides my awesome husband, I don't know how much support I can tangibly count on from the rest of my gang, it seems like a lot of people need me more than they can give back. Anyway, I miss you terribly, Em.

Hope everyone is having a beautiful summer!

Spring 2013

Spring of 2013 has been smashing so far. My mom came for a visit. Her hair is super curly as it grows in post-chemo treatment. None of us know what to do with super-curly hair. She may as well have grown a third arm!

While its hard for me to see my mom, its always fun & exciting too. Since I didn't grow up with her around, I tend to get a little star struck. As a kid I always felt it took most of the summer for me to get comfortable being around her and then it would be time to leave.

We planted a flower garden that I'd been struggling with for the past couple years. I've finally learned that I need to do most of my rigorous garden work in April and May before it gets too hot to be out planting and digging for hours on end. So, this year I'll have a beautiful full grown garden for Spring and Summer! I'm trying a couple new plants like Portulaca and Straw Flower. Wish me luck.

Clementine Petunia, the puppy, is growing fast. She is a firecracker, full of energy and spunk, but she's also affectionate and snuggly. Harvey has grown into a good, adult Dobie. He's given up many of his annoying puppy behaviors (thank god!), and likes to show Clementine how to be a good dog.

I've got some unknowns coming ahead: my liver enzymes have started to creep up, and this will probably mean I'll have to stop my interferon treatments, at least the injections I've been taking. We'll see what the plan is in June and come up with a game plan then. I haven't had much in the way of accumulating symptoms, but certainly my weight gain has made me wonder if metabolism isn't on the decline.

My husband and I have a trip planned to Montreal early in the summer, and we're excited to get out and have some fun in a new and exciting city.

Hope you're having a great Spring too!

New Year's Corner

2012 was not an easy year for me. I lost one of my very best friends last summer. It was just a week after her 32nd birthday, and she was sick for only a few weeks before passing away. I really counted on her a lot, and I always imagined she would be around when we were little old ladies. We’d laugh and sip champagne, and rock in rocking chairs, and she’d sing tunes and play the ukulele, as she was prone. 

Having lost my grandmother the previous year, going through all of 2012 without her made it doubly hard. Holidays seemed rote and birthdays seemed a bit dull. My grandfather struggled with how to live life on his own, and we all hurt for him.

In the Fall, my mother was diagnosed with a pretty serious case of breast cancer, and since she's always lived what seems like light-years away from me, it was very worrisome to not be able to check in on her. The whole process of getting a major diagnosis is so disorienting, so utterly devastating, that it’s very challenging to know what that’s like and see someone I care about going through it. Its a very helpless feeling.

Sometimes when someone I care about says something accidentally rude or ignorant, or careless, that relates to my condition, I remind myself that I’m actually thankful that they don’t understand what its like to be living this stuff. The only way to understand is to have been there. Well, my mom has now been down a similar road. As always, it's a very isolating and unique journey for everyone, but so many of the twists and turns are familiar to those of us that have been down our own road.

I remember during my own diagnosis that I was so thankful, when all the options fell away and MS was staring me in the face, that it wasn’t a condition that required major surgery.  Granted, if the MS would be halted by something like that, I’d probably do it. My mom didn’t have the luxury of avoiding a grueling and exhausting treatment (or two). I’m not sure how she did it, but she’s come out the dark tunnel and is in the initial stage of remission, where they’re still watching her very carefully. And she’s still squinting from the light out here, but she’s out of that dark tunnel.

So, despite some major losses and pains, I made it through. And I’m fortunate to have a job, and a home, and a husband, and my pets. I’m acutely aware, actually, after a year like this, of these gifts in my life.

So 2012 crept into history finally, and shortly thereafter my husband and I adopted a new puppy, named Clemmy. She’s a lot of work, as puppies are bound to be. But she brings smiles and cuddles every day, which almost evens it out (ha!). 

More importantly, seeing Clemmy discover new things every day, learning how to navigate this big scary, fun world with new and innocent eyes, reminds me that there are more good things ahead in life. Even if I feel at times that I’ve lost so much, there could be a new and wonderful experience right around the corner.

Cheers to 2013!